Scott Sirowy

Scott Sirowy Half Man, Half Amazing

Hi, my name is Scott Sirowy and I am a computer science graduate student at the University of California, in sunny Riverside. This is my second attempt at creating a website, my first being a failure due to apathy and an incredibly busy schedule. Hopefully, this website will at one point have a finished quality ( I'm not holding my breath)

I like a lot of things. Here's my current list(in no particular order):

TV: American Idol, The Office, Lost, Arrested Development, Family Guy, The Food Network, College Football and NFL
Movies: Office Space, Wedding Crashers, Fight Club, Shawshank Redemption, Usual Suspects, Forty Year Old Virgin, Old School
Music: Rascal Flatts, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Ben Folds Five, Boyz 2 Men, Maroon 5, Lonestar, Gavin Degraw, Michael Buble
Physical Activity: Weightlifting, running, racketball, football, basketball, ping pong(more physical than you can imagine), all sorts of stuff
Books: I've basically colored in every book I own, so if you have new ones that need a face lift, I am your man.

“So, what are you studying in school?”

Scott June 11th, 2008

…and so begins a conversation I’ve had one too many times, with numerous people over the course of my seven years (yikes) at University of California, Riverside. The conversation usually proceeds like this…

“Oh, I actually got my Bachelor’s degree in Computer Engineering, but my graduate degree will be labeled as Computer Science”
“Oh wow, so you must be really good at computers then huh? Maybe sometime you can come over to my house, and get rid of all the spyware on there… It’s making my computer so slow!”

I’ve always found it hard to explain that my degree is not in spyware removal, and that my degree is computer science, which are vastly different things. If I wanted to learn how to fix your computer, then I would have to some trade school or ITT Tech and been out of school in a year or two. Now granted, I can fix a lot of computer problems, but that isn’t because I was trained to do so, but rather because I have been around computers most of my life, and have used many different systems, built my own computers, and tackled some of the worst bugs the commercial software on you very computer has to offer (think Windows)…

Just recently, my colleagues were talking about how we actually explain what we do to the normal person (who knows enough about computers to use the internet, edit pictures, etc., but not necessarily the inner workings of a computer and its sub components, and/or the differences in different computing platforms) and I came to the conclusion that it is actually somewhat of a hard problem to explain, and that it might be best to start such a conversation with what I attaining a computer science degree is all about (and you guessed it, its not about removing spyware).

As a computer scientist/engineer, I have been trained to solve problems. That’s it. Now, to be clear, many of the problems I actually dealt with as an undergraduate (and as a graduate for that matter) dealt with how can I leverage how powerful my computer was to solve the problem in question, but in general, many of the skills I have learned in the last few years is how to solve problems, and solve them efficiently.

It might be in order to describe why learning how to solve problems is both relevant, extremely important, and often very hard to do well. One of my good lab friends has an interesting example to explain the problem solving process, which I’ll use here. Let’s suppose I asked you to create for me a roll top desk. As with any problem of any decent size, there are numerous ways you might go about creating such a cabinet, many of them which are probably bad, maybe some of them good, etc. I guess even the biggest question you must answer at first is “Where do you start?” There are two extremes to solving this problem… One extreme might be to go hunt for a really big piece of wood, and then start chiseling away at it until you have your roll top desk. The other extreme would be to start from a big pile of sawdust, and armed with only a bottle of your favorite brand of wood glue, start gluing together pieces of sawdust until you have your finished roll top desk. Both methods of solving the problem are probably borderline impossible, and at the very least, pretty stupid ways of designing and creating a roll top desk.

The better way to approach the problem is to think of the task as a number of manageable sub-problems, and then, once you have figured solutions for each of the those problems, integrate them together to build the final desk. You might think of the roll top desk as the composition of a number of small sliding drawers and cabinets, a strong frame, a set of curved rails, and the cover that runs on the rails, each of which might be further subdivided into smaller tasks. At some point, the tasks become really easy to manage, and then construction can begin. Of course the smaller tasks usually must always be thought of in light of the larger goal, but we usually think of that as part of the integration process. For instance, you might think of picking the type of the wood for each of the sub-components as one of the smaller problems, but at the same time, that problem is probably solved for each sub-problem when you pick the wood you want to start from in the beginning.

That’s the computer science in a nutshell: Take a marginally (or even extremely ) complex problem, break that problem down into its core sub-problems and solve those, and finally, compose those sub-solutions into one integrated solution that solves the original problem. There are many, many ways to solve any problem or task, and as we have all experienced at some point, there are much better solutions than others in many cases.

Let’s look at another example that has a little more relevance to using computers to help us accomplish solving a fun problem. Let’s hypothetically suppose your girlfriend wanted to create one of those really complex, animated Christmas light shows ( and by her wanting to create one, what she really means is she wants you to create one for her) that have just started recently appearing over the last few years (if you haven’t had the privilege of knowing what I am talking about, check this youtube video out, its one of the better ones).

Where do you begin?! You know you are going a need a great song to play, and a million lights, but what else? This is where the computer science mindset of being able to define the problem as a number of sub-problems especially shines, especially when the main component of the Christmas light system will most likely involve a computer. As with the roll top desk, there are million different ways you might attack the problem, but really only a few reasonable ones that I can think of off the top of my head. Here’s a first pass at defining a few subproblems for creating a fantastic animated Christmas light show… The hypothetical girlfriend would need to find a mechanism to be able to turn light segments on and off quickly and repeatedly (think an electric relay). The hypothetical girlfriend would then need to be able to control the turning on and off of the light segments with some sort of well timed mechanisms (i.e to make sure Rudolph’s nose turns on right at the pivotal “had a very shiny nose” lyric comes on). The timing and control (the brains of the system if you will) could definitely be controlled by a computer program, or even better, a custom circuit created on an FPGA (more on this later). The hypothetical girlfriend would need to choreograph a “routine” for the lights, in much the same manner as if that girlfriend was coming up with a dance routine for a group of cheerleaders… the timing would need to be precise, the actions coordinated, etc. The Christmas light show adds some additional constraints in that you must be able to manage a balance of complexity with cost for developing such a system. Since there is actual hardware involved (the lights, the relays, transmitting the music to a radio station), the system could end up costing way more than one might expect ( but who cares, its Christmas). But to get back to the point, you can see that by attacking the problem by partitioning the problem into a number of smaller problems, the Christmas light show is starting to become a bit more manageable. There are still numerous sub-problems in creating the timing control system, but the main idea is still the same.

Computer scientists deal with solving problems that are usually more amenable to solving with computers, like sequencing genes quickly, processing images and video efficiently, creating spiffy professional looking documents, etc., but that same problem solving process can be applied to just about anything, whether its creating a roll top desk, or an awesome animated Christmas light show.

In the broad category of computer science, there a number of sub-domains that computer scientists tend to identify with, ranging from Networking ( who deal with problems on how to get our computers to talk to each other… i.e think the Internet), Data Mining (deal with how to process large amounts of data, and come up with meaningful results), Programming Languages ( how we as humans are able to talk to the computer and its resources), Artificial Intelligence (how can computers act and appear smart. Think of Amazon recommending books or Itunes recommending music for you, or the enemies in games making smarter and smarter decisions as gaming systems evolve) Embedded Systems(working with computers that typically have limited functionality and are constrained by size, power, performance), etc. (there are plenty of other sub-domains out there).

Specifically, I work in the Embedded Systems sub-domain of Computer Science. Embedded Systems can be thought of generally as any computer that is not your laptop or desktop computer, i.e the computers in your phone, your GPS system, your set top box, your car, your digital thermostat, even in your shoes that light up when you walk around. I work in a very exciting field where I design both the hardware and software required to do a number of very specific tasks that are often constrained by power (the computer is powered by a small battery), size ( the computer has to fit in a shoe), and performance( the GPS must operate in real-time or the user will miss his turns time and time again). In fact, the majority of the computers in the world could be classified as embedded systems, seeing as how almost everything around us is controlled and governed by a computing system.

At the very general level, I work with embedded systems. But, as with the problem solving process, even embedded systems can be classified by a number of even smaller sub-domains. One of the major challenges with embedded systems is working with very specific and heterogenous technologies ( which I compare to the more homogenous desktop computing community, where every computer anymore is run with only a few kind of chips (the x86 being somewhat dominant). Consequently, designing and programming embedded systems hardware and software is a time consuming and complex process. My goal as both a graduate student and as a tentative professor will be to develop tools and technologies that make it easier and faster to design embedded systems. Without going into too many specifics, the basis of my work lies here. ( I made a comment earlier in the blog that I would talk about my real interest in FPGAs and FPGA tools, but that will be left to another blog. Just know FPGAs often deal with embedded systems and making those computers go faster ).

To conclude, my degree taught me how to solve problems, and specifically, I am now using my degree to solve problems to make the computers in your phone, car, refrigerator, etc. run better, faster, and more efficiently than ever before. So exciting

Poetry Reading (not Recital)

Scott May 9th, 2008

I’ve always been a fan of well written poetry, and one of my favorite forms has always been the limerick. A limerick is a short five line poem in which lines 1, 2, and 5 rhyme, as well as lines 3 and 4. Often limericks are written to incorporate some shrewd (and some downright dirty) sense of humor (Think “There once was a man from Enis…”)

I’ve collected a number of limericks here from the various corners of the internet for you to read at your pleasure. I tried to keep most of them at the PG to PG-13 level, but that becomes really hard with the limerick, so there are the occasional rated R ones in the bunch as well. Enjoy!

There was an old man
From Peru, whose lim’ricks all
Look’d like haiku. He

Said with a laugh “I
Cut them in half, the pay is
Much better for two.”

There once was a [person] from [place]
Whose [body part] was [special case].
When [event] would occur,
It would cause [him or her]
To violate [law of time/space].

Rob, an odd fellow, designs
Poems of equal-length lines
And he limericks with flair
As his forethought and care
Ensure a word count of 3 9s

(27 characters in each line, 27 words in the limerick)

If you catch a Chinchilla in Chile
And cut off its beard, willy-nilly
You can honestly say
That you have just made
A Chilean Chinchilla’s chin chilly

The limerick’s structure somewhat
necessitates *eloquent* smut.
If you haven’t the time
to learn meter and rhyme,
then don’t write them, you ignorant slut.

There was a young woman named Bright
Whose speed was much faster than light.
She set out one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.

On the chest of a barmaid at Yale
were tattooed the prices of ale,
and on her behind,
for the sake of the blind,
was the same information in Braille.

There once was a maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink,
as you’d possibly think;
It was gray, had long ears, and ate grass.

There once was a small juicy orange,
…fuck.

A daring young woman named Alice
used a dynamite stick as a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina,
And bits of her anus in Dallas.

There once was a gal from Peru
whose limericks stopped on line two.

A history grad student, Marta,
mis-clicked as she browsed on Encarta.
Instead of King Midas,
there appeared Leonidas –
“Phrygia? Madame, THIS IS SPARTA!”

A young psychic midget named Marge
Went to jail with the most heinous charge
But despite lock and key
The next day she broke free
And the headlines said “Small Medium at Large”

There was a young girl from Rabat,
who had triplets, Nat, Pat and Tat;
It was fun in the breeding,
But hell in the feeding,
When she found she had no tit for Tat.

The lass I brought home was a prize,
With an alluring set of bright blue eyes,
Her breasts, so well kept,
Were what I’d expect,
But her penis was quite a surprise.

Remember that artist quite quaint,
who swallowed some samples of paint?
All shades of the spectrum,
flowed out of his rectum,
with a colourful lack of restraint.

Lewinsky and Clinton have shown
What Kaczinsky must surely have known –
That an intern is better
Than a bomb in a letter,
Of the possible ways to be blown

There once was a boy from Eau Claire
Who had given his mother a scare
“I see what you’re doing,”
She said, “and you’re moving
With your auntie and uncle in Bel Air.”

A poet whose friends called him Steve
Once showed quite a will to achieve
His skill grew so strong
That his poems grew long
And he sadly was forced to abbrev.

The sea captain’s tender young bride
fell into the bay at low tide,
You could tell by her squeals,
that some of the eels
had discovered a good place to hide.

There was a limerick I heard,
With stressed syllables quite awkward.
Rhythm was somewhat
Still present in it, but
It forced mispronouncing every word.

Novels as limericks: 1984

Our Winston works hard for the State,
He meets Julia, goes on a date,
His thoughtcrimes come out,
He sees rats; turns devout,
Now he thinks that Big Brother is great.

A poem had readers quite smitten;
’twas the dirtiest verse ever written,
Vulgar jokes, sexy themes,
Readers burst at the seams,
But with each reading God killed a kitten.

There once was a man name of Enis
Who with limerick writing was genius
wrote one thousand thirty
not one of them dirty
til he noticed his name rhymed with penis

I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came.

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam
complacently stroking his madam
and great was his mirth
for on all of the earth
there were only two balls, and he had ‘em

A couple named William and Ellie
spent their honeymoon belly-to-belly,
because, in their haste,
they’d used library paste
instead of petroleum jelly.

There once was a young man from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
So to save himself trouble
he folded it double
And instead of coming he went

A father’s geometry kid
in math class said, “Look what I did!
I’ve understood well
rules for lines parallel!”
Said the father, “Here’s looking at Euclid!”

There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he’s a college professor.

There once was a man named Sweeney,
who somehow spilled gin on his weenie.
Just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
and then slipped his date a martini.

A tutor who tooted the flute
tried to tutor two tooters to toot
said the two to the tutor,
“is it tougher to toot, or
to tutor two tooters to toot?”

A lovely lass, Sarah O’Malley
Got caught kissing boys in the alley.
Her poppa was mad,
He said she was bad,
So now she’s off smooching with Sally.

Regarding “Hey Diddle Diddle”
Remember the Cat with his fiddle?
Did he know how they made
The strings that he played?
‘Cuz they came from a relative’s middle

Male and Females at the ATM

Scott May 6th, 2008

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: “Please note that this Bank is installing new “Drive-through” teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender.”

MALE PROCEDURE

Drive up to the cash machine.
Put down your car window.
Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Put window up.
Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE

Drive up to cash machine.
Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
Set parking brake, put the window down.
Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
Insert card.
Re-insert card the right way.
Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
Enter PIN.
Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
Enter amount of cash required.
Check makeup in rear view mirror.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
Re-check makeup.
Drive forward 2 feet.
Reverse back to cash machine.
Retrieve card.
Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
Restart stalled engine and pull off.
Redial person on cell phone.
Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
Release Parking Brake.

Is this true ladies? =)

Youtube Video Dump

Scott April 28th, 2008

For all those “administrative professionals” (what does that even mean?) out there who have nothing better to do than go on my website and see what old Dr. Scott himself has prepared for you, today I present a small list of some of the funniest, enlightening, and just downright well-done videos that Youtube has to offer. Just about all of the videos below come from my list of favorites, so you know you are in for a treat.

Do yourself a favor, go get a fresh cup of coffee, peek around the corner to make sure your boss isn’t near, and insert your headphones… Its a new segment I hope to start doing periodically entitled Youtube Video Dump.

I couldn’t think of a better way to start the list than with a couple of videos of some of the remaining American Idols. Here is David Archuleta singing A Thousand Miles before American Idol stardom and another one of him singing A Moment Like This when he was younger. So good! While he has been criticized on the web for being somewhat boring in his performances, I still think he is the one to beat as he is one of the best voices on the show. Here’s another pre-American Idol performance in Brooke White singing So Far Away when she was 16. While she hasn’t had some of the most stellar performances in the last few weeks, I still love her Carole King-like voice. I even went and bought Carole King’s Tapestry album because of Brooke.
On another American Idol note (no pun intended), this week is Neil Diamond week. I just did some quick searches of his musical career, and from what I can tell, I only recognize one song, and it wasn’t even that good. I don’t think this week is going to be terribly interesting.
Let’s switch gears and put up some clips from the show Scare Tactics, a Candid Camera like show that I believe was aired on the Sci Fi channel. The premise of the show is to scare the living daylights out of certain people that friends set up. While some of these are pretty messed up, they are absolutely hilarious Here is one called Human Rat, which really doesn’t need explanation. Here is one where a guy has to dress up as a gorilla, and hilarity ensues. And lastly, here is one called Brother’s Keeper, which is one of the first Scare Tactics videos I saw, and that turned me onto the show. What a messed up premise, but I still can’t look away. Hey, its better than trash TV I suppose (all you Flavor of Love/Dr. Phil/ fill in the blank watchers)
Speaking of Dr. Phil, check this guy out who made an appearance on the show somewhat recently I think. His name is Dick Rocks, and he believes he (and men in general) are better than women, and has a book out that I actually just saw at Borders the other day. What a clown though… Geez.(For the record, I didn’t see this watching Dr. Phil, someone sent me this gem)
I found the following videos by way of one of my daily web visits to Straight Dope. This guy with the screen name jonlajoie put out a small series of rap videos called Everyday Normal Guy and Everyday Normal Guy 2, which are absolutely hilarious. He also put out a small commercial where he is pitching the idea of Rapist Glasses… All must watches
I’ll conclude this episode of Youtube Video Dump with the three part(whoops, now four part) parody David Blaine skits. These are works of art, and if you have ever really seen David Blaine TV, the exaggerated caricature the main guy in these skits does is priceless. Here they are in order: Part One, Part Two, Part Three, and the new Part Four.

Alright, looks like your boss is heading around the corner. Take off the headphones and bring Microsoft Excel back the to foreground (but make sure you actually have some numbers and/or formulas going). We wouldn’t your boss to think that as the administrative professional all you have been doing is watching Youtube videos…

More to come soon.

Mensa Definitions

Scott April 16th, 2008

The Washington Post’s Mensa Invitational once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter and supply a new definition.

This year’s winners.

*Intaxication*: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
*Reintarnation*: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
*Bozone* (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
*Foreploy*: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
*Cashtration* (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
*Giraffiti*: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
*Sarchasm*: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
* Inoculatte*: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
* Hipatitis*: Terminal coolness.
*Osteopornosis*: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
*Karmageddon*: It’s like, when everybody is sending off these bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s like, a serious bummer.
*Decafalon* (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
*Glibido*: All talk and no action.
*Dopeler effect*: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
*Arachnoleptic fit* (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
*Beelzebug *(n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
* Caterpallor* (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.
* Ignoranus*: A person who is both stupid and an asshole. (this was the pick of the literature

Bucket List

Scott March 28th, 2008

I read a Facebook note a few weeks which listed off several things a particular young lady wanted to do but never had. Things like going to Chipotle (are you serious?), making snow angels, reading Harry Potter made that list… which wouldn’t have necessarily made my list of random things to do, but it got me to thinking what exactly would a list of things I want to do consist of? I decided to not just list a bunch of random things I could think of at the time, but rather real things that one might consider life defining. The list below actually took me a lot longer to compile than I had originally thought. I wanted to make a list of fifty things, and I remember getting stuck at 30, then 40, 45… then actually having some sort of an epitome where my list went to above 60, which I then cut back to the final fifty. A list of fifty just sounds so much more official than a list of 45, or even 60. There’s a reason why there were 10 commandments and not 9 or 11… 10 has an official, “god-like” quality(for lack of a better term). In similar fashion, a list of things to accomplish before I die should have 10, 25, 50, or 100 things on it. Nothing else would have really worked. But then again, it might be possible thats my mild obsessive compulsive disorder kicking in. And another point… what happens when I’ve completed 17 of them? Do I whittle the list down to 33? Or leave it as 50 with nice big “Complete” stickers on it.

You might notice my list doesn’t include more popular list items on other people’s lists like skydiving, traveling to Europe, cross country road trips, etc. There are certain things I actually have already done, and really had no place on my current list. I’m sure if I had written my list when I was 20, these kind of things would have made my list, but its nice to know I’ve been able to accomplish quite a bit in the last few years =) Also, I did my best to keep this list PG… Who knows you might be reading this (Mom, Dad…)?

So without further ado, here is a list of fifty things I want to accomplish before I die, my so-called Bucket List. These are obviously in no particular order…

Be in a movie

Preferably a speaking role, no matter how minor… but I suppose just being an extra would be cool too, as long as being the extra really gave me enough face time so that my favorite blog readers would be watching the movie, see me, and then look to the person to their left or right and say, “Was that Scott!? Half Man, Half Amazing himself?”
A few weeks ago I was almost in a movie being shot at The Sub Station, but decided against it because I wanted my name tied to a good movie.

Write, sing and record an album’s worth of songs

Near the end of my high school career, I learned how to use some very rudimentary recording equipment and software, and together with the other Scott and another of one of my good high school friends, we wrote and recorded several songs, harmonies and everything ( the interested reader will be delighted to know I still have the recordings, here’s a clip of a cover we did ). I absolutely loved doing it, and provided I had time to become more technically proficient in both my singing and piano ability, at some point I would love to write an album’s worth of songs. A year ago I got the chance to work with one of my friends who had a much more advanced studio setup, where I was able to write and record one new song. Man, that was so much fun…

See a Packers game at Lambeau field

Many would argue that Lambeau field is the mecca of football stadiums in the United States, and I am really not at liberty to argue against it. I can see why though… for a small town whose only real reason for living is Packers football (why else would you live in Wisconsin, seriously), its easy to imagine that the Cheeseheads do the football experience right.
Bill Simmons, a writer for ESPN, did a great piece on attending a football game there, and further validated my reason for wanting to do this at some point.

Complete an Ironman

Probably one of the more rigorous and challenging items on my list. The Ironman is a triathlon event consisting of a 2.5 mile swim, 112 mile bike ride, followed by a marathon. Wow! I can’t think of anything that would challenge you as physically, mentally, and emotionally as this.

Raft through the Grand Canyon

I’ve been to the Grand Canyon twice now, (and depending on when this is read, is where my picture at the top came from), but never have I have ventured below the more touristy areas at the top. One of my friends had been on a rafting/camping trip down the Canyon, and absolutely loved it. Plus, I can’t picture any better way of seeing just how vast and awe-inspiring the Canyon really is than by navigating by raft.

Do a World War 2 Europe tour

I have always been fascinated by the largest war this world has ever seen, and been a student of the times and events ever since I can remember. Right now in fact I am in the middle of a fascinating documentary produced by PBS called The War. Anyways, when I went to Europe last year, I had the opportunity to visit Normandy, which was incredibly powerful. Unfortunately, we weren’t able to visit any other notable World War 2 sites, and at some point in my life, I want to make it a point to visit some of the key locations and battlefields that helped define The War.

Attend the World Cup, in a country where soccer matters

The only time I have ever been to close to the World Cup was when it was staged in the United States in 1994, and although there was a lot of excitement and buzz generated from that World Cup ( especially since the U.S did very well), I can’t imagine how awesome it would be to be a part of the World Cup experience in Brazil or Germany, or England, or wherever… Just not the United States. Most Americans don’t appreciate soccer, and to a certain extent, I see their point of view. Compared to American football and basketball, where high scores = excitement, soccer just doesn’t fit into the equation (How Americans love baseball though is beyond me , and the subject of another blog)

Make a hole-in-one

And I am not talking about on a miniature golf course, which I’ve accomplished multiple times (Fun fact: I am actually extremely competitive when it comes to miniature golf. I bring my own equipment and everything) When I was 17, I came about 2 inches short of accomplishing a hole-in-one on a PGA certified course, and have never got even remotely close since. Golf is a strange game… I can hit poorly 99% of my shots in a day, but if I make one good shot, I want to come back again…

Ride in a hot air balloon

Just one of those things that looks so relaxing, and on that perfect day nothing could be better than being that high and letting the wind take you wherever it pleased. What would make it cooler is if I got to steer the balloon ( do they steer?) and even cooler than that would be if our hot air balloon had a cool graphic (like Homer Simpson) as opposed to the standard striped ones you see in pictures ( not there is anything wrong with that). I actually think I may be doing this sometime this summer, so I am really excited about that.

Be awarded an honorary degree

I am not sure how to actually go about doing this one. I’m assuming this is usually a byproduct of doing something that benefits society to some extent and/or giving a lot of money to an institution, in which it may or may not become their obligation to give you a degree. I don’t know, I’ll have to look it up. I guess it really isn’t as much about the honorary degree as it is a marker to show my life has been significant in some shape or form. (A Ph.D from Harvard would be cool though, maybe in some esoteric topic like Ancient Sumerian Texts. Alright, now I’m just being random)

Get in a fist fight, and win

Of course this loaded goal means I want to learn how to fight too. And I’m not talking about karate, or anything like that… I want to learn something that would win a real street fight. When I was a freshman, one of the guys in my hall, who loved to tell tall tales, claimed he trained with a student of Bruce Lee, and so therefore he was qualified to train me =) Well, you might imagine how that turned out, and now I really want to learn to fight, and then really use it in a fight. Hmm, maybe use a future wife as bait to get mugged or something, and then come to her rescue…

Shoot a sniper rifle

I guess this one combines two goals of shooting a powerful gun, and fulfilling this sort of spy, war hero fantasy I get after watching movies like Saving Private Ryan or Enemy at the Gates. Seriously, how cool would it be to take out something from a mile away, even it was just a Coke can? Now thats power…

Break the sound barrier

Just sounds cool (no pun intended). I wonder if you actually hear the sonic boom when you’ve broken the sound barrier? Anyone? My guess would be no, since you are traveling faster than the sound the sonic boom is traveling fast enough to reach you ear. Wow, that sounds crazy. You wouldn’t even be able to hear yourself talk, which may be good, since I seem to ramble sometimes (this blog being a good example, hope its entertaining though)

Witness the Aurora Borealis (Northern Lights)

One of those things that makes it on a lot of people’s lists, and something I’ve wanted to see for a long time. For some reason, as good as it looks, I don’t think Discovery Channel HD does the Northern Lights any justice

Confirm the earth is round (via sailboat)

…a la Desmond on Lost (although I think Desmond was doing it for some Amazing Race type thing around the world). As huge as the Earth is, the fact that you can start at one point, pick a direction, and keep going until you reach the same place is fascinating to me for some reason. I guess this goal also implies I need to learn how to sail too doesn’t it brotha?

Scubadiving in Australia

If you are going to scuba dive, then you have to do it right, and that means navigating the Great Barrier Reef, which I believe to be the largest coral reef system in the world, and probably home to more tropical fish than even a scuba diving trip would be able to appreciate. A lovely lady I know has several times told me about her scuba diving experiences, and it just seems to cool of an activity to pass up before I pass on…

Eat sushi in Japan

I wonder if they would my cut my sushi with a genuine samurai sword, or even yell some cliche Japanese saying (I’m thinking “Bonzai!” at the moment) to really make the experience authentic. “Excuse me sir”, Scott says to the chef, ” I came here from half way across the world to get some sushi. Now can you please make my California rolls quickly? Im starving…”

Climb Half Dome

Some of my friends have already talked about this, and were actually training for the climb by climbing the ‘C’ here at UCR. Basically the hike is 16.5 miles from the base camp, and would probably take all day, with the hallmark being the final ascent up one of the rounded sides of the rock. What’s crazy is climbers require a rope for the final ascent, and they are right by the edge. No rails! The crazier people I’ve heard even base jump off the side!

Grapple, without ropes

Hmm… let’s see. Being completely dependent on how strong my legs and shoulders are. Crazy! Reminiscent of Cliffhanger, I think a variant of this goal would be being in a situation where I had to pull someone up while they were hanging or dangling from a cliff. “Give me your hand!!”

Develop (no pun intended) a talent for photography

All photography is is point and shoot right? How hard can it be? Photography definitely requires an eye for detail and creativity that I currently don’t have. There is a huge difference between good and bad photo taking technique, and at some point it would be really cool to learn those techniques ( as well as get a good camera to further take advantage of those techniques)

Learn a non-Latin based language

Over 60% of the world doesn’t speak a Latin-based language as their first language. If I had to pick one though, I’d probably go for Mandarin Chinese

Develop fluency in at least 2 more languages

My trip to France and Italy have biased my decision to learn their native languages. In Paris, it was so
difficult to communicate, although I managed to learn enough key words by the end to get by. Italy wasn’t so much of a problem as I just wanted to learn the language because of its sexiness (French is the same way)

Dive with sharks

Another one of those experiences where I can just imagine the adrenaline rush is almost surreal. Swimming with creatures whose teeth could shred our bones with almost no effort would be such an experience… something that would really show how insignificant humans are in the grand scheme of things.

Get chased by something that wants to eat me, and escape unharmed

This morbid gem comes from me watching too much Discovery Channel. I can’t really think of anything more scary than being chased by an animal that thinks you look tasty, and to top it off by escaping unharmed would have to be one of the biggest adrenaline rushes ever. Problem is, there are no second chances

Publish a book

I actually already have some ideas on books I would want to publish, all of them non-fiction. Self publishing houses like Lulu are going to make this goal one of the more attainable ones on the list. My adviser has actually done with this with some success on several books now.

Have a psychedelic experience

To be honest, I am still not entirely sure what I expect out of a goal like this, although I was reading some material on LSD and it’s associated highs and feelings of euphoria a couple weeks ago. I don’t know =), would I actually ever take drugs to induce such a state? Hmm… I can even imagine sometime in my lifetime scientists figuring enough about the brain that they could induce those same highs associated with all the super addictive drugs. Maybe I’ll wait until that happens. Maybe…

New Year’s Eve in Times Square

I don’t think there is anywhere more iconic in the United States to celebrate New Years, with Times Square and the big ball and everything. I have a friend who got to spend New Years in Rio (Brazil) which sounded absolutely insane. Maybe I should change this goal to spending New Years with thousands of my closest friends.

Go a year where I don’t sleep in the same place for more than a week

I am usually a creature of routine. I do the same things every day, I eat the same foods, I go to sleep at more or less the same time. For at least one year I would like to change that… go where the wind blows, if a place sounds interesting, go there, and when it gets dull, go somewhere else. I suppose this goal is the most realizable either when I am young (right now) or when I am much older (and I already live in an RV)

Own a restaurant

I have worked in two restaurants since I entered the work force, and it never failed to impress me how happy you can make someone by cooking and serving them a good meal. There is just something about food that makes people smile. Owning a restaurant would allow me to create a menu based on what I like, although after watching Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives so much, I think I want to own one of those diner trailers.

Learn how to brew rootbeer

If you can home brew beer, there has to be a way to brew your own rootbeer. Not only is rootbeer delicious, but it has agents in it which have been shown to reduce your risk of cancer by 37% (actually I don’t think that’s true… I just made it up to make my goal sound much more important)

Be a contestant on Jeopardy

The ultimate dream for a self-proclaimed trivia buff. Actually, I don’t think I know nearly as much useless trivia as I used to, but I would love to study for this game show, and with a little luck, do well. “I’ll take ‘Half Man, Half Amazing’ for $800 Alex.”

Become a connoisseur on a distinguished topic

The literature of Arthur Conan Doyle, the Roman ruins, wine, something! Ideally being a connoisseur would also enable me to be an expert witness in a murder case, like someone setting up their victims based on the Sherlock Holmes stories. Me, being the Arthur Conan Doyle connoisseur, might be able to provide some critical support in the case.

Trek to Macchu Picchu

One of my friends in Austin, Texas had the opportunity to go to Macchu Picchu when I was there, and I remember him serenading us with hours of photos of his trek through the Amazon and up to Macchu Picchu, the city in the clouds, the so-called “Lost City” (although we know about it? something doesn’t compute) I think it was only recently discovered (early 20th century) or at least made popular as a tourist destination. I recall my friend describing the journey as one of the best experiences of his life. I want in…

Hang glide

There are very few things I can think of that would be cooler than hang gliding for hours on end. I can imagine it being like the phase of a sky dive where the parachute has been pulled, and theres nothing but absolute quiet and a view to die for, the difference being you don’t have someone strapped on your back awkwardly sharing the moment.

Live in a house designed by me

In 9th grade I took a Dimensional Design course where our final project was to design a house, and then build a fairly complex model of the house, strictly abiding by the blueprints. That was one of my favorite projects in high school, and something which I have wanted to reintroduce myself to when the time came to come up with my dream house. The house’s highlight: a kick-ass media room. Never again will I be going to a movie theater…

Experience weightlessness

I’m not talking about weightlessness on a roller coaster or anything. I’m talking about bona fide out of the Earth’s atmosphere weightlessness. There is reason to believe that in my lifetime trips that will allow the common person to achieve weightlessness will happen, and I want to be on the next plane

Sing the national anthem at a sporting event

This isn’t something I so much want to do myself but rather in a group. I am a big fan of accapella music, and when done right, there is nothing better than the Star Spangled Banner sung by a small accapella group. I’ve come up with some of my own arrangements of the song, but what I really strive for is something like the following links I found on youtube…
The Gaither Vocal Band. Probably one of my favorite performances of the national anthem ever
Boyz 2 Men. Wow…
Take 6’s take on the National Anthem: There are some harmonies here that blew me away.

Oktoberfest in Germany

Wiener schnitzel , bratwurst, beer, and blonde girls in those goofy (but hot) German outfits serving everything to you. Who could ask for more? =)

Walk on the Great Wall of China

Supposedly one of the only man-made objects seen from space, this 4,000+ mile engineering feat was an attempt to keep out the dreaded Mongols in the 5th centuries. And even more impressive, this is the exact wall David Copperfield magically walked through in his 1986 special.

Teach a fitness class

I recently read that over 60% of the country is overweight, and 30% are actually obese. But then again, 48% of all statistics are wrong, so who knows. In any case, I’ve always thought I could help people by teaching a fitness class, whether that be an Ab Attack-like class (don’t know what Ab Attack is? Wow, you are missing out), or even a more mellow yoga class. I love when people ask me for advice in the gym, and I would love to help people become more healthy in general.

Be a fun dad

I want to be the dad that all my kid’s friends want to come over because I am a fun guy, whether that means being the all-time quarterback for a four hour street football game, or even joining in on a imaginary tea session with a young daughter and her play-dates. I love little kids, their innocence, their big smiles, their desire to know everything about everything , even if that means hearing the ‘”Why?” question 10 times a minute.

Build an awesome treehouse

When I was really little, we had (from what I remember) a huge tree in the front yard which we would climb. Unfortunately, there was nowhere to really climb to. There were several tree house attempts in my childhood that I can remember, but what I really want to do is build an over-the-top, Swiss Family Robinson-esque tree house, something that would even be enjoyable as adult. Who knows, maybe have a little mini-bar up there, cable TV, and blanketed with wireless internet. Also a rope swing to get down is a must, as well as a cool looking ladder to get up.

Develop some sort of dancing ability

At my Homecomings I didn’t know how to dance… at my Proms I didn’t know how to dance… at my fraternity formals I didn’t know how to dance… at bars I don’t know how to dance. Give me the gift of dance. I would even like to learn how to swing dance or ballroom dance at some point.

Read the bible from start to finish

Not because I think the Bible is the true word of God or anything (because I don’t think that at all), but rather because it is arguably one of the best collection of fiction stories ever written(by best, I mean because it has withstood the test of time, i.e Greek myths, Homer’s “Odyssey”)

Be on a Sports Center highlight

I guess the easiest way to do this is to bring a sign to a game that says “Sportscenter’s Next…”, and hope the Sportscenter editors use the clip as part of the intro =) But does that count as a highlight? I left the goal ambiguous as to whether I am a fan or an actual athlete, but chances are pretty likely if this is going to happen i I will probably be a fan. Oh well, still a fun goal

Earn a cool nickname via reputation

Here’s one that I think is going to be harder and harder as I get older. Nicknames usually seem to be something developed at an early age because of something stupid you used to do, or even what you ate at lunch the first day you came to work (think Jim being called “Big Tuna” on The Office). I have always been called ‘Scotty’ for as long as I can remember, but that isn’t a nickname based on reputation. In high school we picked up the label ‘Scott Squared’ from the local newspapers, since Scott and I went undefeated during our senior year. Although that might be considered to be based on reputation, I want something to separate myself.

Somewhere in my house (preferably over the fireplace) have my portrait of me standing with one leg propped up and a sword on my waist)

Something like this =)

Develop the strength of a gymnast ( hand stand push ups, hand springs, etc)

Gymnasts arguably put on one of the best shows during the Olympics. You will never see such a display of strength as a guy pulling flips while holding onto some big rings. Wow! Or check this video out… Simply amazing. As strong as I think I am, I would replace it all to be able to pull some of these moves gymnasts could do in their sleep: hand stand push ups, hand springs, flips, etc.

Take singing lessons

To a certain extent, I think learning how to sing well can be taught. I’m not claiming I will ever be a David Archuleta (if you have never heard of him, turn on American Idol(or go to youtube) and/or download some of his songs off Itunes. He is absolutely gifted), but I think I could develop some sort of technique that would give people a reason to request me to sing at a karaoke bar.

Develop a life-long, loving relationship with someone

Preferably she would enjoy at least some of the other 49 things on my list, but not absolutely necessary. Really all I want is someone laughs with me, “gets” me, and makes me happy.
As corny as it sounds, this one is probably the most important one on the list…

Although this list was time-consuming to create, it actually turned out to be a great exercise. What is on your list?!

Life Tips , Random , Life
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My Poetry Notebook

Scott March 7th, 2008

This evening I was cleaning out some of my stuff, and I stumbled across one of my favorite projects in high school, a poetry notebook. Yep, for those who know me, you are probably just as shocked as I am saying that a poetry notebook was one of my favorite projects in high school. I remember how displeased I was being told on one of the first days of class we would be creating such a poetry notebook, and the dread that sank in as the day to start came nearer.

But, as with many things, the project was not nearly as painful as I thought it would be, and in fact, I really had a great time making it. I made the cover and bindings out of wood, and burned in a quote from Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, and if I do say so myself, it really came out well ( for those interested, I will try to post a picture as soon as I can, but I have a feeling it will much more of an impact in person).

Anyways, I thought I’d post one of the poems here, because it was one of my favorites, and I’d like to remember that a lot of people in my class enjoyed the poem as well. Part of the project specifications required we write poems in a variety of styles (haiku, ballad, sonnet, etc), employing a variety of poetry techniques (alliteration, consonance, onomatopoeia, etc.) The poem presented, in case your not familiar with much poetry, is a limerick:

What Happened to My Scholarship?

This is the story of Enrique and me,
He just take away my scholarship money,
He’s not even smarter,
And I worked a lot harder,
It’s all because he’s a minority.

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by Scott Sirowy

Random , Life
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San Francisco 2008

Scott March 2nd, 2008

Just got back from a week up north, Northern California that is… My roommate and best buddy of the same name joined me on a week long “vacation” where we did a brief tour of some of the best sites Northern California had to offer.

I say “vacation” in quotes because the main reason I trekked up there was because I was to attend a conference where I would speaking. Earlier this year I had a paper published there entitled “C is for Circuits” (more on that later) and part of the “honor” of getting your paper published is being able to speak in front of hundreds of your closest colleagues from all over the world. This week I met people from China, Japan, several Canadians, a few Scottish and English, and few other stragglers. Quite the mix if I do say so myself…
My buddy Scott actually ended up taking part of his vacation the very same week I was going to leave so he could partake in the activities. Since the conference was only 3 days, that left several days we could actually do more entertaining things. I remember him taking the vacation time just as I was submitting the paper, which was somewhat pushing our luck since the conference I believe had less than a 20% acceptance rate. Not to worry though, Scott had faith , for lack of a better term…
C is for Circuits: In this paper, I tried to argue that the language C, accompanied by the appropriate synthesis tools, suffices to describe many custom circuits. Previous knowledge suggested that the only way to capture circuits was through the use of a hardware description language, which allows the designer to capture custom spatial connectivity. While to most of my readers this may not make any sense, it was actually quite the discovery.
Admittedly, what I liked best about the paper was the title, which is a play on the old Sesame Street “C is for Cookie”, which the Cookie Monster hammered into us starting at a very early age. However, C just isn’t for Cookie anymore… Not only is it the first letter in “Circuit”, but it is the language (C is a programming language) I was able to capture a whole bunch of circuits in. In my slides, I even included the Cookie Monster in several slides, which kept the presentation marginally entertaining. Check out the Title Slide
At one of my colleagues suggestions, I even included a sponsor’s slide at the end of the talk, which said the work was sponsored by the letters N, S , and F, and viewers like you. (NSF is the National Science Foundation). It went over pretty well, so I was pleased. Thanks for the tip Jason!
Scott and I drove up last Saturday (February 23) up Highway 101, which would have been a great drive had it not rained for hours on end. Seriously, there were times I could barely see out of my window it was raining so hard. Just to get to Monterey it took us about 8 hours.
Monterey is actually where the main conference was held, so we ended up staying there for several days. Our hotel was right on the beach, with a room probably being about 30 feet from the water. And the best part, UCR pays for my stay there since it was work related. One of the many benefits of grad school =)
Despite the conference lasting the whole day, every day we were in Monterey, we still got to all the touristy things Monterey had to offer, including the Aquarium and Cannery Row. On one of the last nights we found a miniature golf course that was blanketed with black lights, which made for an interesting experience. Sort of like a cosmic bowling thing going on there. I would probably never do it again; it was too expensive and the holes were extremely trivial, but hey, its vacation, and we really had nothing better to do.
The Aquarium, although nice, was not nearly as impressive as I might have expected. For $30, we spent maybe three hours there, and I’m really not sure if it was worth that. What interested me most was the fact that they offered a season ticket price, which is beyond me. If I didn’t go there in the next ten years, I wouldn’t mind in the least bit.
We also saw the movie Vantage Point one night. Without going too much into it, I have one piece of advice for you: Save your money. While the premise sounded promising, the movie seriously lacked in a lot of things, including the ending, which made no sense at all.
After Monterey, we headed up further to the great city of San Francisco, where we spent the next few days. We actually ended up staying in Berkeley, where I stayed with my good friend Kasey and her lovely and intelligent roommates… Can’t help but admire a couple of ladies who allowed two random guys to stay in their living room for a couple nights… Quite the eclectic group of girls too =), made the nights fun, despite having to sleep on a couch built for a midget ( also affectionately called a “love seat”)
Add to the todo list: Build my own wall of memorable quotes.
I didn’t want to break her anonymity, but Kasey was the one who wrote me quite the poem that I posted in a previous blog entitled I’m a lazy bum.
Another fun fact: Kasey and I are practically twins, which includes but not limited to our taste in music, food, culture, academics, mild OCD, everything… (with the one very important exception being she hates Chipotle… I know, it’s weird. “Chipotle” and “hate” should never be in the same sentence)
Scott and I toured San Francisco for two days, hitting most if not all the touristy spots, and then a few others suggested by the gorgeous and talented Constance… We must have walked well over 20 miles in the two days we were there, and learned a few lessons along the way:
1. San Francisco is a stick shift nightmare. We thought it would be fun the first day to drive through, going up and down hills and the infamous Lombard Street, but after a while, I was almost scared to take some of the hills since even first gear didn’t give me enough power. There were some hills I basically neglected to follow the stop sign rules because I didn’t want to stop. When hills have stairs on them for pedestrians to climb, the hill is freakin’ steep!
2. Don’t buy crepes in Chinatown, no matter how hungry you are.
3. Speaking of Chinatown, we overheard a tour guide telling a group that the “authentic” Chinese architecture in Chinatown is anything but. The architecture is purely an American invention designed to appeal to those Americans whose idea of the enchanted Orient looked something like that. Kind of fits along with the story of the fortune cookie (also an American invention)
4. When you have a hard time discerning whether or not someone is male or female, there is a good chance they are both.
5. Presidio National Park is probably the best place to get a view of the Golden Gate Bridge. Here is a picture I took that I’m currently using as my wallpaper
6. The weather can take drastic swings very fast. Pack appropriately
7. There are only a few piers that have any significance to the San Francisco tourist… although walking the entire coast and seeing all of them is a nice little trip
8. This kind of goes without saying, but San Francisco is much nicer in nicer weather (i.e not raining). I’ve had the pleasure of being there for both, and the sun becomes a welcome friend
9. There’s probably more, but I’m getting tired of writing =)
We had an absolutely great trip, but there came a time where we both